- Mood: emotionally exhausted
What he wrote to me on Monday:
You misquoted me this morning, so I imagine you were up all night stewing over something I didn't actually say. What you heard was that I was "bored with you" but what I really said was that I was bored with our relationship - I didn't say "you".
I am carrying an awful lot of burden and stress for having a partner and I'm not getting what I expected in terms of a sexual relationship. So naturally, I don't feel like the relationship serves me. If I've been distracted it is because I probably resent being in such a relationship.
And no, I hadn't really figured out exactly what it was until last week or I would have said something.
My reply:
as i said last night, it's not my fault you're not getting what you want; it's neither of ours. WE said months ago that WE'd be more diligent finding someone, and neither of us have, so *I* resent you implying it's my fault.
As it happens, I'm not getting what I want either, sexually or emotionally (as you have withdrawn on both counts, perhaps in an effort to 'punish' me for not being proactive about finding a sex partner?) - haven't done for months, that's one of the reasons we went to therapy isn't it? I spoke up about it and told you what I needed. Didn't help.
You seem very focused on what YOU want, your sexual needs, your sexual desires - which is fine to a degree, however how about my sexual needs? What about OURS? You used to care whether or not I enjoyed myself in bed - now I sometimes just feel used. A marriage is a partnership and we should be working at what we BOTH want, not how hard-done-by you feel; we're together in this and I intend it to remain that way and to improve in leaps and bounds, but you need to play ball with me - I can't catch if I don't know you're throwing - and not withdraw from me and sulk in some corner of your mind that I don't know about.
TELL me what's wrong and we'll try and fix it together. That's the kind of marriage I want - something positive, sharing, loving and caring and compassionate, not critical and blaming and selfish.
You've known what's wrong for a week yet didn't mention it, and probably never would have until you deemed it too late, had I not said something last night. Not communicating with me about YOUR feelings doesn't help either of us.
Like I said last night, and in my vows and in yours, I want to make this work, always have, (and it's nothing to do with a green card - I'd give it up in a HEARTBEAT if we could just work this out) but you don't seem committed in the least, often threatening divorce or trying to hang a green card over my head. Sounds a little like blackmail to me, and I do not appreciate that in the least.
0 Comment(s).
Hey Webmasters! New Photo Album Service Launched - Check it out!
Bravenet Blog 
Blog Community
Get a Free Blog
Manage your Blog
bravenet.com